It’s a long story as to how I got here, to this point.
It involves (in part):
Ten moves in three years,
eleven losses in eleven years, the latest two in the space of four months,
different jobs, sick buildings, veterinary hospitals, diverse landscapes, extreme climates,
new friends, new stories, new loves.
And a constant dream, re-imagined.
I’m taking stock now. Dreaming, planning, sending out visions.
Recovering, taking a breath, mourning.
I’ve gotten through the last few years unconsciously relying on writing, moving, making new connections. In the last year, I’ve used a more conscious approach with counseling, therapy, painting, writing, resting, friends, karaoke, improv…
Every day is pierced with unwelcome memories and microscopic chaos. With gratitude, pain, fear, depression, silence, anxiety, joy, love, friendship, laughter, gratitude, always gratitude.
The depth of layered emotions is daunting. So most of the time I skim the surface, deal with the ripples, bob gently, return to calm. Occasionally, I delve deeper, one dive, touching the indigo. Always resurfacing, changed, sometimes gasping for breath, other times quiet, aware, floating. Remembering when I was being taught the mechanics of swimming, that how I finally felt secure was by learning how to float, knowing that I could switch onto my back and float and I would be fine.
Right now, I’m floating on the surface, looking at the sky and clouds drifting, dreaming my vision of what I will create next. This place I have felt at the edges of my soul for as many years as it has been aware.
I’ve dreamt it, talked it, skirted it, faced it. Now I build it.
And record the journey.
In the last year, I managed to stumble onto land, a house to be restored, a lake here and to come, wildlife including the biggest bugs I’ve ever encountered…
Yesterday, I got a name, booked the domain, designed a logo.
No concrete plans yet, just a wisp and a vision about what a part of the destination will include: sanctuary, gentle social interaction, nature, wildlife, reading, writing, painting, fishing, walking, hiking, pets, gardening, cooking, yoga, massage, meditation, improv, life coaching, book clubs, pool, singing, games, movies, and more…
Next step: Planning a lake and garden 🙂